“Hold up, let me overthink that conversation for the next few hours.”

Ah, the familiar lament of the socially anxious. Much as we might try to make it otherwise, it’s not an uncommon trait of humanity that we walk away from a conversation—or even go into one! —thinking of all the ways we could have, should have, or might need to do better. We second-guess and question the words we said, how we said them, and how our thoughts, opinions, and intentions might have been perceived. We worry about being misunderstood, causing strife, hurt, or leaving a poor impression of ourselves. We often wish we knew the “right way” to handle any given conversation so we could ensure our point got across without any misdirection, humiliation, or awkwardness.

Is it any surprise we might carry similar feelings into our prayer life?

Is There a Right Way to Pray?

Different denominations have an idea of what is the “right” way to pray; on the one hand, you have those who only affirm the words of Jesus spoken in the Lord’s Prayer as acceptable, while others have a collection of valid recitations to be spoken over specific situations; and in between there’s a spate of opinions on what words, phrases, and even languages and intonations make a prayer “right”! Some claim that only the ordained are allowed to pray on behalf of the layman, while others take the opposite approach that corporate prayers destroy the intimacy required for God to accept them.

All of these approaches are instituted usually with the best intentions: to avoid offending God and to maximize the likelihood of one’s prayers being heard and answered. But what we end up with from so many opinions on prayer is the unease of too many options. Which ones are truth? Which are error? Is there a right way to pray?

The answer is yes…yes, there is. 

The right way to pray is from the heart.

Prayers from the Heart or Just the Lips?

Quoting the Book of Isaiah, Jesus said of Israel, “These people honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.” (Matt. 15:8) So we see it’s very possible to say all the right words that seem to honor God, when in actuality the bit that counts—the heart—is not even in the picture. 

A person can stand in church and recite the Lord’s Prayer perfectly, without even truly believing in Jesus; someone else can kneel at their bedside and pour out praise and supplication through tearstained, stuttering lips. Which would seem to be the more honest prayer? Which is God more likely to answer?

Throughout the epistles, we’re told again and again that a major caveat to answered prayer is asking for what is within the will of God. If we don’t pray from the heart, are we really honoring the will of the Father? If we speak the proper words but our hearts are far from Him, do we really think we even know what His will is? Or are we more likely praying from our own will, paying Him lip service without making the effort to be in true alignment with His purposes?

To give an example here, my mom was raised Catholic. Most anyone from that background knows that a lot of their tradition is steeped in recitation; you have your Hail Marys and your prayers to various saints that are intended to solicit a specific result in a specific situation. When praying the familiar prayers to God as a young girl, she told me, she truly believed they had power, that God heard and understood her; not because the Catholic Church discovered the formula to perfect prayer but simply because she prayed those words with sincere and honest faith—straight from the heart.

She did not ascribe power to the formula. She prayed those recited words directly to God, and there was no misunderstanding or miscommunication between them. He heard. He answered. 

By contrast, I myself have many times prayed the prettiest-sounding prayers without real trust, with my heart opposed or my mind distracted; and little surprise, even though I prayed in Jesus’s name and asked for good things, noble things, even, they didn’t come to pass until I got my heart right. Once I prayed with sincerity, not just out of obligation, I saw my prayers answered.

How To Pray from the Heart

Now we’ve seen how important it is to us—and to God! —that our prayers come from the heart. The question is, how do we ensure that’s what we’re doing?

While I wish I could offer a checklist of steps…there isn’t one. In many cases, when we take time to examine our own hearts and how we’re approaching prayer, it becomes evident pretty quickly whether our hearts are truly in it or not. For example, if a coworker asks you to pray for him to receive a promotion you really want to get, how invested is your heart going to be? Your heart can be “not-in-it” due to distraction, disgruntlement, sorrow, anger, or even a lack of trust. An honest self-examination will reveal our sincerity or lack thereof, and then it’s up to us to align our hearts with the will of the Father again!

Another great step I can advise you to take is to carve out time around prayer where you can escape distractions—turn off your phone, get away from noise, and separate from your responsibilities—and dig deep. Pay attention to the seat of your emotions as you pray; are you just saying the words, or are you feeling your petition? When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, he sweated like blood. There’s no doubt that prayer came from the heart! 

Get quiet, get still, get every piece of yourself involved. Prioritize prayer…after all, you want God to take heed and answer, right? What you’re asking of Him, invest in Him—attention, devotion, sincerity. Heart.

None of us wants to be the factor that stands in the way of our prayers getting answered. We need to examine our hearts and ensure they’re invested in the prayers we speak…whether it’s the Lord’s Prayer, a prayer prayed along from a devotional, or an outpouring from the depths of our spirit.

Whatever the words, always pray them with trust and sincerity from the heart. That’s when you’ll know you’re doing this praying thing the right way!